Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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