Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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