Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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