I bet he comes in French.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
