I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
