How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel great
I just peed on a car
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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