I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize