If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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