I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am naked and annoyed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
