Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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