Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
