you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
