Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
