so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize