Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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