I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
