There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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