new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize