I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize