please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
