Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
