the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize