also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
