clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
