im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
