Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
