Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
