I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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