Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
