There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
