well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
