I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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