I wish I could teleport
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
