So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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