I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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