By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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