We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
