you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
