is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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