no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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