he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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