I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
