Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
