you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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