I wannas sexs uuuuu
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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