i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
