I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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