I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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