I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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