Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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