What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
