I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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