dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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