Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
