Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
