so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Damn victory sex feels great
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