What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
