so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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