Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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