i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
