Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
