i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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