Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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