Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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