Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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