Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
