Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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