How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
BRING THE BAGELS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
