am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
