I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
