He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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