that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
